im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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