You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
