A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
