why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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