Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
