i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
