I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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