new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
