Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
