I just pynch a tree in the face
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
