I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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