I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
