Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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