You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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