First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
