I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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