Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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