Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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