You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
