Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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