Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
