Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
