just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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