I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
