You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
