you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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