How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
