Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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