You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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