i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
