Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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