Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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