I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
