So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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