90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Come see our sink grown plant.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
