guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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