If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
be right there i have to get my cape
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
