bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
