Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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