Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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