Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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