no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
