I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
