god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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