For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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