I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
