he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize