There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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