This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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