did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He felt like a one man threesome
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
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She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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