he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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