And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
