covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
