TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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