Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
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