There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
