Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Randomize
