Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
