just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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