you would pick up someone in the library
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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