I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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