Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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